10 Breakup Must-do’s
1. Be Realistic
Don’t over-exaggerate your ex’s good points and under-acknowledge their bad. Do not put your ex on a pedestal!
The funny thing about being ‘dumped’ is that we unconsciously build up our ex’s worth in our minds. We start to make them into better beings than they really are, erroneously making them to be more powerful and ‘needed’ influences in our lives. Unfortunately, while we are building them up to Higher Power status in our minds, they are ripping our worth to shreds in order to find the strength to leave us.
2. Accept It
Accept that the breakup did occur and that the relationship is over. By refusing to accept this you are only lengthening the grief process. You cannot keep a relationship alive in your ‘head’ by denying the breakup occurred, or by thinking about the relationship and rehashing things over and over. Whether you accept it or not the facts still remain: You have broken up. The relationship is over. And you will be okay. I promise you!
3. Put ‘You’ First
If you don’t find value in you, who will? Pamper and love yourself first and foremost. This is not the time to turn your back on you, but rather a time to embrace you. God made your arms just long enough to embrace yourself. Try it. No one is looking! Go ahead and put your arms around you and give yourself a huge, cradling hug! Of all the people in your life, you are the only one that will never abandon you.
4. Write Your Thoughts Down
Start your own personal journal about your journey from your heartbreak to ‘better-than-ever’. I know one man who kept a record of his breakup by posting on the Lifted Hearts break up board at http://liftedhearts.com , starting from his devastating beginning days, to his healed and in love again days, and then turned them into an awesome book of self-discovery and hope. You can find a great source made specifically for journaling through your breakup with the book, My Breakup Keepsake , found at http://mybreakupkeepsake.com .
5. Forgive Him or Her
Find forgiveness for your ex - and for yourself . It is impossible to heal without forgiveness. Understand that your ex isn’t looking to hurt you, but rather looking to find his or her own happiness.
6. Accept That You Love Them
Recognize that you cannot will yourself to not love someone. You loved your ex, and perhaps you always will. Quit beating yourself up over the fact and quit trying to find the magic bullet that will slay your love. It’s okay to love someone that you are not with, and may never be with, but it’s not okay to try to fall out of love with someone.
7. Make a Plan
Get a goal and implement it. Plan out your new goal and start with step one, not finishing until you’ve accomplished the final step. This goal could be to write a book, grow a garden, change careers, go back to school, or lose twenty pounds…having a goal gives you something to focus on and work towards. It keeps you from dwelling on what was and keeps you avidly looking forward to what ‘will’ be.
8. Change It Up
Get rid of the same-ol’-same! Alter your routine, rearrange your home, or remodel a room. Get a new hairdo, buy a new car, volunteer at a local charity…. anything that changes your typical lifestyle can be most rewarding during a breakup. Sometimes the old and the ‘familiar’ can be devastatingly sad when going through the transition from two to one, so change it up!
9. Keep Yourself Clean - and You Know What I Mean!
This is not the time to turn to alcohol, drugs, or one-nights stands in a feeble attempt to kill your pain. It only adds to your problems and can end up being a permanent reminder to a temporary situation. Even simple things such as energy drinks or too much caffeine can cause anxiety or escalate out-of-hand emotions to full-blown panic attacks - which are a very common occurrence during a breakup. Learn to cope with out-of-hand emotions by spirituality, soothing music, sipping tea, taking a ‘time-out’, reading a book, or - my favorite - walking ! I walked myself into the sexiest legs and prettiest tan during my breakup. What an added bonus that was!
10. Date Again
Don’t worry about all the advice you hear about waiting to date again. Most of it’s bunk. Dating again gets you out of the house, where breakup depression can fester and turn into something far worse. Dating again always restores a shattered ego, which is a very common by-product of a breakup. Dating again may also show you that there are millions of other people out there that can be as wonderful as your ex, or perhaps even more wonderful! If you open your heart back up and let new people in you will feel better.